you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
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