You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
