And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
