there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Randomize
