Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
im six kinds of drunk right now
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
