The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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