your thong is hanging out like whoa
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
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