please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
