Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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