Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I can't turn off my feet"
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
