yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
