why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
