I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
