Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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