she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Oh god it's open bar.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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