I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
