i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
