Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
