Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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