Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
