If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
