Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
