all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I miss vodka workout Fridays
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
