sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I want to fling myself into the sun
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize