I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
what day is it and did you see me today?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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