mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize