that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
