Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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