So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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