I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Randomize
