you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
