Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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