Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
