I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
