I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize