His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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