we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
