remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
