Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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