They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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