when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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