The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
