yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i just google imaged poop.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
