3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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