I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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