lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
