i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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