i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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