Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
