I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
