why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize