It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
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