woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
