We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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