We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
