Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
