I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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