just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
