do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Randomize
