I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
