his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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