Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
