if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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