Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You ruined the universe
Randomize
