oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Randomize
