She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Randomize
