Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(702): View more from Nevada

I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless

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(619): View more from California

i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...

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(609): View more from New Jersey

Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class

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(248): View more from Michigan

I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.

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(970): View more from Colorado

I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me

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(281): View more from Texas

She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.

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(714): View more from California

im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...

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(541): View more from Oregon

Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.

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