His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
