She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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