Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
